Beast Putty + Washington: A Match Made in Weird

Herbert Hoover and John Quincy Adams both had pet alligators in the White House — questionable judgment in presidential pet-keeping.

We don't judge your pets. Beast Putty relieves all stress equally.

Theodore Roosevelt brought six children's menagerie to the White House including a bear, lizard, guinea pigs, badger, blue macaw, snake, and one-legged rooster.

Presidential petting zoo stress? Beast Putty handles exotic anxiety.

DC citizens consume more wine per capita than any other state in the Union — liquid political relief.

Wine fades. Beast Putty persists. Choose the eternal relief.

The Library of Congress contains over 178 million objects including a secret FBI interrogation manual that's public only due to copyright confusion.

Secrets exposed. Beast Putty keeps your stress private.

Washington DC was intentionally built without a J Street because I and J were nearly identical in old typesetting — the missing letter remains unfixed.

Missing letters. Complete stress relief. Beast Putty doesn't skip anything.

Capitol Building bathrooms contain four marble tubs from 1859 — senators bathed at work because their boarding houses had no running water.

Politicians needed relief infrastructure. Beast Putty: portable bathing alternative.

The Washington National Cathedral's Darth Vader gargoyle has silently judged visitors since the 1980s from the northwest tower.

Evil watches over DC. Beast Putty stands with good stress relief.